Pootie accidentally robs a bank
when he finds the security guards’s gun laying on the floor
next to him. It had fallen out of it’s holster when the guard fell
asleep in his chair.
Not familiar with gun etiquette, Pootie absentmindedly
pointed the pistol at the guard in a clumsy attempt to give it
back to him and the guard awoke to find himself staring
down the barrel of his own Colt .45. He instinctively threw his
hands in the air and yelled “Jeepers are you Zozzled? Don’t
shoot!”, which caused the rest of the bank to panic,
including Pootie, who waved the gun around the room as
he’d tried to explain himself. “I ain’t doing nothing, no-how
everyone! I’s just trying to give the guard what’s rightfully
his!” Well, this is misinterpreted by the branch manager who
thought this meant he was gonna give the guard, who was in
tears by this point, a belly full of lead lead. And he yelled,
“Don’t shoot! You’ll get your lettuce!” And then Pootie, who
did come to make an account with-drawl, thought the
manager was fooling around and joked back saying, “You
slay me! Small bills and fast before someone get’s hurt!”
Upon hearing this, some other customer, some terrified
dame squealed, startling Pootie into firing the gun. The next
thing you know, he’s serving 5-10 in Leavenworth.
Juju is NOT happy with any of this. Juju can’t afford the
mortgage on the little house they just went 50/50 on! So, he
sneaks a file into prison.
Pootie explains that the whole thing was one big
misunderstanding, but Juju’s not hearing it, “Too little, too
diddle, Pootie!” And then Juju slides Pootie a file under the
table. Pootie asks, “How my ‘sposed to sneak this into my
cell, Juju!?!”
Juju hisses, “Put it in your lunchbox, Shirly.”
Pootie’s completely befuddled. “What kind of Phonus
Balonus are you squawking about, Juju?”
Juju nods towards Pootie’s hiney. “Put it IN your
LUNCHBOX, Shirly!”
“Ooooooohhh,” says Pootie, before quietly sneaking the file
up into his or her bottom. Turns out a lunchbox can refer to
something other than a place to keep your lunch. It can also
be the place your lunch ends up after you eat it.
Pootie sneaks the file in, files down some bars in a cell, and
escapes just in time to get Pootie’s job back and help Juju
keep from foreclosing the house. THE END!
Thursday, June 14, 2018
Monday, April 16, 2018
Issue 256
256 of Pootie and Juju, “Pootie Hits the Pipe”!!
In this memorable, all-time classic issue, Juju suddenly notices that Pootie isn’t acting like his or her normal self. Pootie’s suddenly staying up past midnight instead of getting in bed by 9PM AT THE LATEST as he or she had done for decades.
Pootie wasn’t up with the roosters anymore!
Now, Pootie is sleeping in until Noon. Noon! No more three square meals and a single cookie and milk before bedtime, neither.
Now, Pootie is snacking on sugary breakfast cereals like Super Sugar Crisps, Honey Combs, Sugar Smacks and Lucky Charms - at all hours of the day. Pootie doesn’t do much of anything but lay on the couch, eat Pringles, Doritos, and Twinkies and laugh WAY too hard at the Brady Bunch. Sure, it’s kind of funny, but it’s no MASH or Bob Newhart show! And it sure as shit ain’t Sanford and Sons. And that’s when Juju finds out that Pootie has been SMOKING WEED!! Gasp! Shock! Horror! Juju soon discovers that Pootie has quit working at the Post Office and now works at a record shop - A KNOWN HIPPIE HOTBED!!!
Even worse, Juju finds tickets Pootie has bought to see known weed smokers - the Doobie Brothers!
Concerned for Pootie’s safety, Juju confronts Pootie when Juju catches Pootie in the middle of a bog old full-lung toke - “Put down the Pipe, Pootie! Please! Put down the pipe!” Pootie, through a plume of smoke, yells back, “You sure squawk a lot for someun who ain’t never said nothin’ no-how!”
And then, “Put it in your lunchbox, Shirley!” And then Juju starts to cry and Pootie tells Juju he/she will cut back. Only evening puffs from now on, no more wake and bake. Juju screams, “Too little, too diddle, Pootie!”, and slaps Pootie in his or her face! And this breaks the spell the weed had over Pootie!
Pootie throws away the devil weed pipe, quits working at the filthy record shop, gets rehired at the Post Office, and by the next night Pootie and Juju are watching The New Dick Van Dyke Show and in bed by 8:15 like reasonable citizens. And all is right in the Pootie and Juju world.
In this memorable, all-time classic issue, Juju suddenly notices that Pootie isn’t acting like his or her normal self. Pootie’s suddenly staying up past midnight instead of getting in bed by 9PM AT THE LATEST as he or she had done for decades.
Pootie wasn’t up with the roosters anymore!
Now, Pootie is sleeping in until Noon. Noon! No more three square meals and a single cookie and milk before bedtime, neither.
Now, Pootie is snacking on sugary breakfast cereals like Super Sugar Crisps, Honey Combs, Sugar Smacks and Lucky Charms - at all hours of the day. Pootie doesn’t do much of anything but lay on the couch, eat Pringles, Doritos, and Twinkies and laugh WAY too hard at the Brady Bunch. Sure, it’s kind of funny, but it’s no MASH or Bob Newhart show! And it sure as shit ain’t Sanford and Sons. And that’s when Juju finds out that Pootie has been SMOKING WEED!! Gasp! Shock! Horror! Juju soon discovers that Pootie has quit working at the Post Office and now works at a record shop - A KNOWN HIPPIE HOTBED!!!
Even worse, Juju finds tickets Pootie has bought to see known weed smokers - the Doobie Brothers!
Concerned for Pootie’s safety, Juju confronts Pootie when Juju catches Pootie in the middle of a bog old full-lung toke - “Put down the Pipe, Pootie! Please! Put down the pipe!” Pootie, through a plume of smoke, yells back, “You sure squawk a lot for someun who ain’t never said nothin’ no-how!”
And then, “Put it in your lunchbox, Shirley!” And then Juju starts to cry and Pootie tells Juju he/she will cut back. Only evening puffs from now on, no more wake and bake. Juju screams, “Too little, too diddle, Pootie!”, and slaps Pootie in his or her face! And this breaks the spell the weed had over Pootie!
Pootie throws away the devil weed pipe, quits working at the filthy record shop, gets rehired at the Post Office, and by the next night Pootie and Juju are watching The New Dick Van Dyke Show and in bed by 8:15 like reasonable citizens. And all is right in the Pootie and Juju world.
Issue 58
Pootie Gets a Black Panther and Names It Hootie, which is how the band Hootie and the Blowfish got its name.
That issue of Pootie & Juju came out in August of 1966. Pootie Gets a Black Panther and Juju freaks out because A) it’s illegal to have a black panther for a pet, B) Juju is allergic to cats, and C) Pootie told Juju that he got Hootie for a really good price because Hootie had eaten her two previous owners.
Well, luckily for Pootie and Juju fans, Hootie didn’t eat either of them in the episode! But, she did eat Juju’s pet goldfish, Muffintop. And when Juju came home to find a Black Panther with a wet face and a missing goldfish, he’d had enough.
“No more Hootie, Pootie!” He screamed. But it was hard to understand him because his face was swelling up due to his cat allergies. And Pootie said, “What? No more Pootie Tooties?” And Juju screamed “No more Hootie, Pootie!” And Pootie heard him this time and said, “What if we just keep him in the yard? Then your face probably won’t swell up as much.” And Juju screamed “Too little, too diddle Pootie!!”
And they argued back and forth about whether or not to keep Hootie for 235 consecutive pages. And by the time they were done, Hootie the Black Panther had died of old age.
That issue of Pootie & Juju came out in August of 1966. Pootie Gets a Black Panther and Juju freaks out because A) it’s illegal to have a black panther for a pet, B) Juju is allergic to cats, and C) Pootie told Juju that he got Hootie for a really good price because Hootie had eaten her two previous owners.
Well, luckily for Pootie and Juju fans, Hootie didn’t eat either of them in the episode! But, she did eat Juju’s pet goldfish, Muffintop. And when Juju came home to find a Black Panther with a wet face and a missing goldfish, he’d had enough.
“No more Hootie, Pootie!” He screamed. But it was hard to understand him because his face was swelling up due to his cat allergies. And Pootie said, “What? No more Pootie Tooties?” And Juju screamed “No more Hootie, Pootie!” And Pootie heard him this time and said, “What if we just keep him in the yard? Then your face probably won’t swell up as much.” And Juju screamed “Too little, too diddle Pootie!!”
And they argued back and forth about whether or not to keep Hootie for 235 consecutive pages. And by the time they were done, Hootie the Black Panther had died of old age.
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Issue 1
The very first issue where we are introduced to Pootie and Juju, two roommates that seem normal, but harbor dark secrets.
Pootie is easily influenced by fake news and Juju is afflicted with multiple personalities. No one knows how many. Whatever the plot requires.
This issue introduces the beloved catchphrase “Put it in your lunchbox, Shirley!” which is said to the neighbor who lives in the other half of the duplex. It starts innocently enough, when Shirley asks what she should do with the sandwich that Pootie hands her. Unfortunately, this was right when lunchboxes had been invented and Shirley didn’t know how to work it, because she is female and this was before women understood technology. The sandwich was destroyed and it also introduced the other beloved catchphrase, where Juju turned to an openly seething Pootie and states “Too little too dittle, Pootie!” which sends Pootie into a blind rage and he destroys all the bicycles on the block.
Pootie is easily influenced by fake news and Juju is afflicted with multiple personalities. No one knows how many. Whatever the plot requires.
This issue introduces the beloved catchphrase “Put it in your lunchbox, Shirley!” which is said to the neighbor who lives in the other half of the duplex. It starts innocently enough, when Shirley asks what she should do with the sandwich that Pootie hands her. Unfortunately, this was right when lunchboxes had been invented and Shirley didn’t know how to work it, because she is female and this was before women understood technology. The sandwich was destroyed and it also introduced the other beloved catchphrase, where Juju turned to an openly seething Pootie and states “Too little too dittle, Pootie!” which sends Pootie into a blind rage and he destroys all the bicycles on the block.
Issue 17
Pootie continues his quest to get Marie Curie out of the lab and back into the kitchen.
This was the first issue to have the ink be infused with Radium. This trend lasted for twenty three more issues. Although many readers came down with cancer explicitly because of this practice, Pootie and Juju were so beloved that no one sued.
This was the first issue to have the ink be infused with Radium. This trend lasted for twenty three more issues. Although many readers came down with cancer explicitly because of this practice, Pootie and Juju were so beloved that no one sued.
Issue 16
Pootie was minding his own business downtown, heading to the vape shop to score some vape juice when he ran into a Women's Suffrage protest. Pootie didn't have any issue with the Women's Suffrage movement prior to this, but today they were protesting in front of his preferred vape shop and it enraged him.
He decided to do his best to break up the entire movement. In a lot of wacky misadventures, he isn't able to convince anyone to give up the movement. He sets his sights to France and Marie Curie.
Juju goes through a communist phase.
He decided to do his best to break up the entire movement. In a lot of wacky misadventures, he isn't able to convince anyone to give up the movement. He sets his sights to France and Marie Curie.
Juju goes through a communist phase.
Pootie and Juju
Welcome! Pootie and Juju is one of my favorite recurring characters from the Timesuck Podcast with Dan Cummins. Here I hope to archive all the mentions from that show as well as add my own to the canon!
First mentions: “Pootie and Juju”, a slapstick precursor to the humor of Charlie Chaplin and Abott & Costello.
Pootie and Juju were known mostly for their famous back- and-forth of “Well I never said nothing no-how Pootie!” And then “Zip it Juju! You sure squawk a lot for someone who ain’t never said nothin’!” And they also coined the phrases, “Put it your lunchbox Shirley!”, “Park it in the shed!” and “Too little, too diddle, Pootie!” And somehow, the Pootie and Juju stories softened Lenin’s initial thoughts on communism and helped turn him into a benevolent leader who didn’t take himself too seriously.
First mentions: “Pootie and Juju”, a slapstick precursor to the humor of Charlie Chaplin and Abott & Costello.
Pootie and Juju were known mostly for their famous back- and-forth of “Well I never said nothing no-how Pootie!” And then “Zip it Juju! You sure squawk a lot for someone who ain’t never said nothin’!” And they also coined the phrases, “Put it your lunchbox Shirley!”, “Park it in the shed!” and “Too little, too diddle, Pootie!” And somehow, the Pootie and Juju stories softened Lenin’s initial thoughts on communism and helped turn him into a benevolent leader who didn’t take himself too seriously.
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